<3 Things Parents Should Do to Prevent Their Child from Becoming like Park Yeon-jin in 'The Glory'>

 How to Recognize Your Child's Anxiety and Discipline Aggression

 

 

⭐English subtitle available⭐

 

 

Q. To the parents who wondered what they should do when their child bullied others while watching ‘The Glory’

 

Hello, I am Professor Hyo-Won Kim of the Department of Pediatric Psychiatry at Asan Medical Center.
Watching the drama ‘The Glory’ is not a pleasant experience for any parent raising children.

 

Not only does it break a parent’s heart to see their child become a victim,

but also have a fear that their child could become a perpetrator like 'Park Yeon-jin'.

Children grow up arguing with friends in school, but it's a much bigger issue when my child shows aggression or fails to empathize with other children's thoughts and feelings.

I would like to talk about how parents should deal with when they hear that their child is bullying other children.

 

 

Q. Why are there perpetrators of school violence like ‘Park Yeon-jin in The Glory’? - Aggression in the lower elementary grades

Nowadays, there are quite a few children in schools who show aggressive tendencies.

It may be a bit exaggerated to call it school violence, but in the lower grades of elementary school

the behavior of children with some degree of aggression may be perceived as violence by other children.

 

Aggressiveness refers to any intentional action that seeks to harm others including any kind of physical or verbal behavior.

Aggression is inherent in humans, and it is not always a disadvantage.

Aggressiveness can be expressed as a way of striving toward one's goals and developing oneself.

However, in the case of children, they often have immature emotional processing and inadequate regulation abilities.

So impulsiveness is more evident and they express anger frequently, lack social skills, and can show signs of emotional deficiency.

 

If children continue to grow up with these tendencies, there is a risk of inflicting more serious harm to other children, so early intervention is necessary.

 

Especially as they move on to the next grade children may divide themselves into groups by gender

and try to show off their friendships while excluding or bullying other children.

 

If we don't pay attention to this behavior of younger children

and allow everything no matter what or leave it unattended, or try to overcorrect them too much,

there is a risk that they will miss the opportunity to learn how to improve their behavior and regulate themselves, leading to more harmful behavior.

 

Q. Are adolescent children different? - From upper elementary grades to middle & high school students

 

As children grow up and become upper elementary grades and middle & high school students,

the problem of school violence becomes more complicated and serious.

 

These problems may be related to certain family factors that are reflected in parenting styles or family relationships.

It may also be due to personal factors such as high levels of aggression, impulsivity, anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, or low self-control.

In addition, there can be influences from social environments such as relationships with teachers or negative school atmospheres.

Moreover, the impact of media cannot be ignored as they are easily accessible on TV, YouTube, and online platforms.

 

Q. Why did Park Yeon-jin become a perpetrator? - How a pediatric psychiatrist sees Park Yeon-jin in ‘The Glory’

 

In 'The Glory', Park Yeon-jin's mother excessively chases and visits a shaman's house.

Despite her awareness of Yeon-jin’s bullying, she did not scold or correct Yeon-jin which is an abnormal family environment.

 

Also, the school environment that condones the victim would have created a favorable environment for the perpetrator.

 

Furthermore, Park Yeon-jin's personality also played a significant role.

She has an aggressive and cruel personality, easily taking advantage of others and enjoying their suffering.

She also appears to lack the ability to understand the emotions of others and enjoys causing them pain.

Park Yeon-jin's sensitive and anxious nature may also have contributed to her becoming a bully.

 

Q. What is the fundamental cause of bullying? - Anxiety in children's hearts

 

There are many causes of bullying, but in many cases, it is most likely due to children's underlying emotions of anxiety.

They may feel anxious about not being superior to other children, so they worry about being bullied by other children.

They may also feel anxious about not being able to fit into their friends' groups, about studying, or their future.

 

To prevent school violence from escalating during middle and high school years,

it is important for families and society to quickly recognize the anxiety that children have in their hearts and help them manage it well.

 

 

Q. Disciplining my aggressive child - 3 ways to avoid ending up like Park Yeon-jin

 

When children show aggression, it is important for parents to start regulating the children’s behavior from the moment they notice it.

Thoughts like "they're too young" or "they won't listen because they're grown up now" should be discarded.

 

Once children's personalities are somewhat formed and their relationships with peers become more important,

it becomes more difficult to correct and discipline their behavior or temperament, especially after the upper grades of elementary school.

 

To discipline children properly,

First, it is important for parents to regulate their own emotions. Discipline should be calm and firm.
 - If parents get too excited or angry, children will focus more on the parents' attitude than on the problem behavior itself.

Additionally, children instinctively imitate their parents' behavior and learn naturally.

The children's behavior should be told that it is unacceptable in a calm but firm manner.

Parents should also clearly explain the harm that the children's aggressive behavior can cause to others.

Depending on the child’s age, disciplinary methods such as time-outs can also be helpful.

 

Second, negative emotions should be taught to be expressed in words.
- If possible, read your children's minds and name their emotions.

"Your friend making fun of you by calling you a nickname must have upset you."

Teach the child how to express negative emotions in a specific language likethe  above.

Just the fact that the other person understands the emotions they feel can greatly reduce the negative emotions.

Third, it is a good idea to find ways for our children to alleviate negative emotions in their own methods.
- Please find a way together that can help children calm themselves down when angry.

For example, deep breathing while counting from 1 to 10 or listening to music.

For some children, physical activities such as running might also be helpful.

  

 

Q. Does the ‘perpetrator’ need treatment, too? - Where psychotherapy or psychiatric treatment is required

 

Among aggressive children, there are often those with mental health problems such as ADHD or oppositional defiant disorder.

Therefore, it is important to accurately evaluate whether there are any mental health problems and provide appropriate treatment.

Medication therapy to control aggression can also be helpful.

 

Parents may be concerned about giving their children psychiatric medication.

However, if their children's aggression stems from ADHD, anxiety, or depression,

using medication that does not interfere with daily life or harm his/her health

is important for children's health and future to control aggression,

and for the benefit of other children who may have been harmed by the aggressive child.

 

In addition to medication, social skills training and anger management programs

can be helpful in developing social skills, emotional regulation, and anger management.

 

Q. The attitude of the parents is most important! - Why we must firmly discipline our aggressive children

 

Sometimes, among parents, there are those who cannot properly discipline or just stand by and watch their young children

because they feel sorry for them, their hearts are weakened,

or just because they feel guilty that they haven't done something well enough for their children.

 

Aggressive children can frighten and even scare others around them.

However, in reality, such children often have feelings of depression, anxiety, or frustration.

 

The children may not be able to control their own behavior, and this can be emotionally exhausting for them.

If you let this happen because you feel sorry for your children, negative emotions will continue to accumulate within them,

and they may try to cover up these negative emotions with even more aggressive behavior.

 

In order for our children to live a happier life

and fit well into society, it is important for parents to understand their children well

and provide them with psychological support.

 

In addition, parents must firmly discipline their children's aggressive tendencies

and make them directly apologize to the victim for their wrong behavior.

At times, parents should also demonstrate the act of apologizing themselves,

so that the children realizes their mistake and do not repeat the same behavior.

 

Q. To parents who want to cover up their children's wrongdoing - Raising children is about raising them to be a social person

 

Especially for children who have been identified as perpetrators of school violence after middle and high school,

parents, anxious about their child's education,

are the ones who are in a hurry to cover up their children's wrongdoing.

It's important to remember that raising children is about helping them

become an independent individual who can fit into society.

Please remember that the wrong attitude of just protecting my children

can make their future even lonelier and harder.

 

Of course, it's difficult. Being a parent is always a difficult task.

Parents in this situation will find it difficult and want to run away.

However, I hope parents can gather their strength to help their children regulate their emotions and behavior,

so that they can become a social person who can interact well with others.